Sweet Tooth and Body Image

I never had a sweet tooth before but while I was pregnant during the last couple of months I loved to eat chocolate and pastries. Unfortunately I still have a sweet tooth and I crave chocolate and pastries all the time. I thought the sweet tooth was going to be temporary but it's not. I guess I have to learn how to exercise more self control.

So I was so close to my prepregnancy weight but I have noticed that those last 5 pounds refuse to budge. If I try to eat less it effects my milk so I have come to accept that I probably will have a tough time to loose those last pounds while I am pumping.

Honestly I was just getting comfortable with my body in my mid-20s. A lot of the time I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I knew my body wouldn't be the same but now I am going through the steps of learning how to dress my new body to minimize my problem areas and accentuate my positive features. It is just awkward to say the least.

Then my hair. So it is starting to fall out in phenomenal amounts. My hair is super thin and I have no idea what to do with it. So I have been wearing it in a pony tail and plan to wear it this way until I figure out what to do.

Family bed

Mike and I have been really good at not letting Olivia sleep in our bed. When she was still waking up at 3 AM to eat I would sometimes forget to put her back in her bed when I fell asleep. But I couldn't sleep well because I was paranoid about rolling over her so I made a huge effort to always put her back. Now that she sleeps through the night that hasn't been a problem.

The past two weeks she has been waking up around 5:30 looking for her binky and I haven't let her cry to see if she would go back to bed. I always get up and put the binky in her mouth. Sometimes she goes back to sleep immediately and sometimes it falls out. Sometimes I put it back into her mouth and sometimes I bring her into our bed. She seems to always sleep so much better and faster when she is in the bed with us. I think it is the body heat from Mike and me.

Most of the books I read were very adamant about the baby sleeping in her own bed and moving the baby into her own room. Olivia has slept in her pack in play in our room since she was born and I was planning on moving her into her own room after she was 3 months. She is four months now and I haven't even attempted to move her into her own room. She seems so little to have to sleep in her own room.

I love having her in our room. Even though she sleeps through the night now it brings me some type of comfort that she is near to us. It has surprised me how much I love Olivia to sleep in the bed with me. On the weekends I try to take a nap with her in our bed.

My lesson learned is I know this can grow into a bad habit and I should stop doing it sooner than later. I do more of these things for my comfort and not hers. It is a lot harder to cut the cord for me than I expected.

Rolling over

Olivia has been trying to roll over for the past two weeks but she finally did it this weekend. I have been working with her everyday for the past week and she finally rolled from her back to her tummy. She hasn't quite figured out how to get from her tummy to her back. And she likes to be in a sitting position but she doesn't have the balance or the back strength to keep herself up yet. I can't believe how fast she is growing.

It must be amazing to be a baby and to learn and accomplish so many new things in such a short amount of time.

Laughter

I have been waiting for Olivia to learn how to laugh for the past couple of weeks. I have heard her a few times but it seemed more accidental than on purpose. Yesterday I was tickling her neck and she was trying to laugh but she couldn't quite figure it out but thankfully I was persistent and I started to play peekaboo and she finally laughed and it was so adorable. She also had the hiccups at the same time so that would interrupt her laugh half way through. Next time I will be prepared and get her on video so I can upload it.

I love to laugh and I am so excited that I can make Olivia laugh too. It touches my heart to hear her laugh and smile.

Missing Olivia...

I feel really grateful that Mike and I have been able to find such a great sitter for Olivia. Amanda takes really good care of Olivia and Olivia loves to play with her daughter Abby. It makes me feel good to know that someone is taking such good care of her. I know she hasn't reached the stage of stranger anxiety and separation anxiety yet but hopefully it won't be too bad.

I pick her up during lunch and get to spend 2 hours with her before I have to go back to work and sometimes it makes me sad that I have to leave her with someone. Today I was thinking that Mike won't be done with school until May 2010 so I won't be a stay at home mom until Olivia is one and a half and I feel sort of guilty that I am missing out or I won't be able to give Olivia all my attention etc...

Mike and I were hoping we could look into me quitting but with the economy slowing down I figured it would be best if I kept working.

My hair

Last Christmas my hair was super long (probably mid-back) then I decided to cut it super short before I got pregnant. Basically I either like my hair in a short A-line, stacked bob or super long. Right now I am trying to grow it out and I hate the inbetween stage. I just don't have a hair style that I like and my hair usually grows fast but this whole after pregnancy hair is another story.

While I was pregnant my hair got super thick and I always had to get it thinned out because I already have naturally thick hair. After I had Olivia, it got all frizzy and dry looking and it basically was a mess. I got it trimmed and I colored it last week which helped. I have been waiting and waiting for my hair to fall out and for the past month I thought maybe it wouldn't fall out as much as I thought it would. My hair felt thinner but I hadn't noticed any hair anywhere.

Boy oh boy was I wrong. This past week my hair has been falling out in chunks it seems like. When I shower I have strands of hair all over and I have to clean out the drain every couple of days. When I brush or blowdry my hair, there is a pile of hair in the bathroom. Basically I am finding my hair everywhere. I am not worried that I will be bald or anything but I am just amazed at the after affects of pregnancy.

Treking along...

I haven't posted for a while and so much has happened it would be to much to post so I won't. I started back to work full time on Monday and I am still adjusting to the craziness. Mike takes Olivia to the sitter before class and I pick her up during my lunch break and spend about 2 hours with her. Then Mike comes home from school and I go back to work until five. I have been working late since I have been so busy but hopefully I can get home by five in the future.

It is just madness packing the baby and taking her to and from the house but hopefully after 2-3 weeks Mike and I can get use to this routine. My goal for next week is to start going to the gym in the mornings before work then Mike can go when I get home from work. Basically my life is madness right now trying to get into a routine and fit in all the things I need to do in life. Hopefully when I become a stay at home mom things will become easier but I am thinking probably not.